My little sister Heidi had her gall bladder removed on Thursday. The surgery was necessary, and it was successful, but her recovery is proving to be traumatic.
Heidi was born with Cerebral Palsy, a rather serious case. She has never walked, or stood unassisted. She has spent her life in wheelchairs and walkers. The left side of her body is always spastic (stiff and rigid) and she has a number of issues with her internal organs. My assumption is that the spasticity and resultant, severe scoliosis in her spine puts a strain on her organs.
The spasticity is slowing her recovery, because her muscles can't relax and let healing move forward at a "normal" pace. It has also resulted in a couple accidents. She has fallen once - hard - and another time, her knees gave out and she had to spend two hours on the floor. The first time, my mom was assisting her, but walked away to answer the phone and Heidi decided to try to move herself. The second time, mom was assisting her, but wasn't strong enough to hold her.
My mother is doing her best, but she is 71 years old and is just not as strong as she used to be. She is struggling to help Heidi, and in my opinion, she is pushing herself too hard. This morning, I made her promise not to push herself again like this. (A lot of good THAT will do!)
The hospital staff really wanted Heidi to stay longer in the hospital, but she insisted on going home, and my mom took her. I think she should have stayed, but you can't tell any of the women in my family what to do! When we decide on something, you might as well stop talking, because nothing will change our minds.
I want to remember this experience, so that when I get old and infirm, I will be aware of those around me and will not place too much of a burden on them. I don't want to expect too much of my caregivers, and I want to work with them, not against them. Please God, I will die quietly in my sleep, 50 years from now, without ever being seriously incapacitated.
It breaks my heart every time Heidi suffers. I remember when she was still small, how she struggled with basic things like moving from her chair at the table into her wheelchair, or getting out of her wheelchair into the car. I watched her trying to hold and use utensils, just simple things like that. Every once in a while, I would feel a catch in my throat and I would run off to a quiet place to cry. Sometimes I would pray, crying out to God about the unfairness of it all. I told Him I wished I could just give her my strong legs, and take her weak body for myself. I was certain that my personal determination would overcome so much of the handicap, and that I would be able to make that weak body do all it could possibly do.
Still, whenever Heidi is in pain, or suffering in any way, I can't help crying. It just tears me up, I am such a mess. I don't get this way when other siblings are hurting - just when it's Heidi. I guess I have an overactive sense of protection for her, or something like that. The thought of her falling on the bathroom floor, banging her head on the door, and the dead weight of her body slamming her spine on the floor, makes me cringe and whimper. When she falls, it's not like when I fall. It hurts her so much more.
After she fell, she had a fear reaction and her entire body became totally spastic. She couldn't get her body to release, and Mom couldn't do anything with this full-grown woman's body, rigid dead weight on the floor of that tiny bathroom. It took three people to wiggle and lift her out of there. Poor Heidi!
She has a chronic spastic bladder, and that problem is exaggerated now. On top of everything else, she is dealing with that pain.
Heidi was born with Cerebral Palsy, a rather serious case. She has never walked, or stood unassisted. She has spent her life in wheelchairs and walkers. The left side of her body is always spastic (stiff and rigid) and she has a number of issues with her internal organs. My assumption is that the spasticity and resultant, severe scoliosis in her spine puts a strain on her organs.
The spasticity is slowing her recovery, because her muscles can't relax and let healing move forward at a "normal" pace. It has also resulted in a couple accidents. She has fallen once - hard - and another time, her knees gave out and she had to spend two hours on the floor. The first time, my mom was assisting her, but walked away to answer the phone and Heidi decided to try to move herself. The second time, mom was assisting her, but wasn't strong enough to hold her.
My mother is doing her best, but she is 71 years old and is just not as strong as she used to be. She is struggling to help Heidi, and in my opinion, she is pushing herself too hard. This morning, I made her promise not to push herself again like this. (A lot of good THAT will do!)
The hospital staff really wanted Heidi to stay longer in the hospital, but she insisted on going home, and my mom took her. I think she should have stayed, but you can't tell any of the women in my family what to do! When we decide on something, you might as well stop talking, because nothing will change our minds.
I want to remember this experience, so that when I get old and infirm, I will be aware of those around me and will not place too much of a burden on them. I don't want to expect too much of my caregivers, and I want to work with them, not against them. Please God, I will die quietly in my sleep, 50 years from now, without ever being seriously incapacitated.
It breaks my heart every time Heidi suffers. I remember when she was still small, how she struggled with basic things like moving from her chair at the table into her wheelchair, or getting out of her wheelchair into the car. I watched her trying to hold and use utensils, just simple things like that. Every once in a while, I would feel a catch in my throat and I would run off to a quiet place to cry. Sometimes I would pray, crying out to God about the unfairness of it all. I told Him I wished I could just give her my strong legs, and take her weak body for myself. I was certain that my personal determination would overcome so much of the handicap, and that I would be able to make that weak body do all it could possibly do.
Still, whenever Heidi is in pain, or suffering in any way, I can't help crying. It just tears me up, I am such a mess. I don't get this way when other siblings are hurting - just when it's Heidi. I guess I have an overactive sense of protection for her, or something like that. The thought of her falling on the bathroom floor, banging her head on the door, and the dead weight of her body slamming her spine on the floor, makes me cringe and whimper. When she falls, it's not like when I fall. It hurts her so much more.
After she fell, she had a fear reaction and her entire body became totally spastic. She couldn't get her body to release, and Mom couldn't do anything with this full-grown woman's body, rigid dead weight on the floor of that tiny bathroom. It took three people to wiggle and lift her out of there. Poor Heidi!
She has a chronic spastic bladder, and that problem is exaggerated now. On top of everything else, she is dealing with that pain.
posted by Me | 8:07 AM
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